of Warcraft is an exciting and expansive game. In it, you can find gnomes who
fancy themselves as mighty gods, striking down the weak and underleveled. You
can find walking cows who devote their lives to the healing of others. You can
also find Night Elves who spend most of their free time naked in a dark corner
of the Deeprun Tram. In short, World of Warcraft allows players to do anything
at vs Predator are always looking for new ways to see Azeroth and beyond
through new eyes. Half of us rolled Death Knights, but some of us started
characters that are quickly becoming my favorite class: Bank Alts.
is a Bank Alt? I have no idea. Apparently people eventually compile so much
money and material goods, that they are forced to distribute their wealth among
several other characters. Personally, I think it sounds a little like
communism. But I saw a bunch of people who seemed cool talk about their Banks
Alts, so we decided to take banking to a whole new level.
Creditdotcom. He is single, balding, and has trouble peeing, but only at night.
He has an office in Ironforge that is famous for having the world’s largest
on the desk reads: Stoutheart’s Whiskey Tavern. We would change it, but we
don’t think anyone can read dwarvish anymore.
my sole companion in this concrete jungle, Bankknight. Did you know he used to
be dead? But he betrayed his master to live the life of an executive. His life
story is very similar to the plot of Varsity Blues.
where do we start? Did Donald Trump just start building a duplex and ended up
with a tower? Did Marlon Brando yell Tennessee Williams quotes at pedestrians
for years until he became Jor-El? Together, Bankknight and I explored Ironforge
until we discovered a curious phenomenon: between the bank and the auction
house, people of all races and classes gathered to do business, as if it were a
designated area. Ironforge’s Wall Street. We went to work.
after days of building our rep on the streets, a potential client whispers me!
I have to be polite, professional, and honest. I don’t want to lose this man.
Adam from Blizzard’s In-Game Security Task Force, an elite assembly of
E-Security badasses who refer to themselves only as Rattlesnake! I know I am on
dangerous ground. Adam is notorious for his rampant punishments and bans
throughout the World of Warcraft community. Throughout his career, he has
banned three of my own friends for not /bowing to him on the streets of
Stormwind, Onyxia for being a bitch, and every single dwarf rogue.
I am fairly certain I am in the right, I am terrified by this man’s power. What
will become of my guildmates when I’m gone? Would they survive? Would a dragon
come and eat them? Who would manage our funds and assets? At this point, I must
choose my next words carefully. I know that making Blizzard Employee Adam, aka
“Ratpoison,” angry could easily cause an escalating series of catastrophic
events that could only end in the destruction of Thunderlord, the best server
in the world.*
send this message to Adam along with a prayer to God. I hope he, by he I mean Adam, buys this lie,
because I am swiftly running out of ideas. I think about fleeing back to
Northshire Abbey, but the thought dissipates in the Ironforge wind as I realize
that I do not know my way out of this concrete jungle. I am in too deep.
I am shivering at the keyboard, I must keep up my appearance as a gruff and
tough trader of all things not bound to a soul. When situations like this
arise, you have to keep your cool or else you lose everything: Business Making
101. We are making business. We are doing well, thank you. And we are not in a
must have left to get his Big Bad Banning Banner out of his closet to cover me in shame. I must do what business I can before
he returns. Luckily,
Necromanger arrives on my front door. Though I am confused by what a
Necromanger is (A feeding trough for dead horses? Maybe he means Necromanager
and wants me to provide my services to his dead clients?), I continue
professionally and courteously.
Ratadampoison returns! Perhaps if I feign ignorance of this game, he will
manager of the dead returns to me after checking my credentials. I can tell he
his office? At this suggestion, I urinate myself in fear, but remain in my
chair out of sheer curiosity. He is Adam, Blizzard Employee and member of the
In-Game Security Squad. What do you think his office will be like? I expect it
to be stunning. I expect it to make my computer explode. I expect it to make me
want to cancel my account at the thought of never having another chance to see
disappointment with Adam far outweighs my fear of his power. Tomorrow I may be
banned, but today I am a successful executive, looking down at the peasants who
toil and labor in their physical tasks of collecting pelts that come off wolves
and boots that fall off dragons. I am a Bank Alt, and I have survived this